And Tonight I'm Gonna Party Like It's Sparta, 480 BC(ish)

Still no bloody alcohol over here. Which means that things could go dangerously awry at THE Holiday Party this evening -- ie -- my usual pace of consumption will have be on the floor before dinner. But I am promising myself not to do that because the wine we are having with dinny is supposed to be EPIC. And since it was this fabulous firm that introduced me to God's Purest Nectar of Love and Perfection called Screaming Eagle Cabernet (seriously it might be unicorn blood, it's THAT LIFE CHANGING), I trust this will be amazing too.

Had a strange moment last night. You know when you are talking to someone and they say something in response to you that makes so little sense that you just furrow your brow, kind of curl your lip up in puzzled-disgust with your mouth open for a long time, and your brain is like "uhhhhhh, uhhhhhh" .... ?? Like if I were to say "Gosh the sky was blue today" (which I would never say because I live in Satan's Freezing Armpit) and then you say, "What? Skies are purple." And you go, "uhhhhhhhhh" cause it's so INSANE. OK so last night I am trying on my party dress to do the dry run with shoes, accessories, etc... My dress is a plain hot pink satin sheath thingy, so I am blinging up my arms with 1000 gold bangles and giant earrings. As I emerge from the boudoir to reveal myself to Boyfriend he first says, "Hey Xerxes" which I assure you I did not look like. (Though my heart pitter patters that he made a somewhat historical intellectual reference. I was a classical studies minor in college, you know. Yep, I AM THAT COOL.)

Kinda my look, but not so much.

Then he says, and here's the clincher..... "Why all the gold? That's not very festive for a Christmas party." All I can dumbfoundedly force out of my agape mouth is "Pardon?" And then again, BF: "Yeah, gold isn't very festive. Don't you need like red and green?" Ummmm GOLD IS NOT FESTIVE?!?!?! Is he serious? How is gold not fucking festive? It IS the very definition of festive!! From thrones and crowns of kings, and tinsel and ornaments and fireworks and... and .... and... gaaaaaahhhhhhh! Then the revelation hits him, "Ohhhh is it like 'gold, frankincense, and myrrh'?"

Yes. Exactly like that. Please jump off a bridge.

Exhibit A:

Poor schmucks and their non-festive Christmas!! Idiots!!

Also, look at that STUPID unfestive tree in the middle! 

Good lord! What a sore thumb!! Gross!!

So anyyyyyyyyygay, I am totally getting into the spirit of the season finally. Boyfriend was adorable enough to string lights and stockings around this ginormous floor to ceiling mirror we have in the dining room and it totally filled me with glee when I saw it. At work, we all decided to be lazy schmo's and not hassle with our awful fake three piece, 8,000 pound pain in the ass tree this year. I stuck my menorah on my desk and called it a day. Then I added a little light-up snowman (who changes colors so rapidly I fear an anime type seizure may occur) and a penguin and reindeer.... And then I got to work today and was like "Eff this I'll do the tree!!!" And everyone gets to benefit from my OCD and Adderall situation because that bitch was up, lit, decorated and AWESOME in about three hours. I even labeled mini-stockings with everyone's names. And if they read this, they will earn that if their stocking is in the front 'quadrant' (??) of the tree then they are my favorite people. Muahhh-haaaa-haaaa Oh what magic I make with the few powers I wield down here at the bottom of the totem.I really want to put an airplane-size liquor bottle in them, but not sure if I can expense that.

Now I got my Trismas tunes playing on my Pandora station and it is jolly jolly by golly all over the 20 foot radius around me. I gon' get mah hair did soon, nails were done yesterday, never quite made it to the tanning cancer booth, but oh well. Photoshop!! Everything is all hustly bustly here with girls leaving to go get ready and everybody's happy and the guys are.... going to the Annual Basketball Tournament (???) before the party. That seems logical. Bunch of little Harvard nerds, trying not to make the senior partners look too bad, I wish I could witness that gloriousness. But I am so excited for DA PARTEEEEE!! Sarcastic crabapple me is taking a timeout.

So the conflict at this point is either I have an awesome time, things go smoothly this eve, I do nothing ridiculous, and then have nothing interesting to tell you (unless of course other people are buttshows, but I am usually the ringleader on that bus), or some shenanigans go down and there will be embarrassing hilarity the next time you hear from me. Conundrum. This year we lost a considerable number of outgoing 'let's do SHOTS!" ringleaders, so it may have a very different vibe. (Though the ice vodka fountain thingy really had a lot to do with that last year.) This year it feels more like a true 'office party' rather than 'sweet let's get drunk off Macallan 25 and eat oysters and kobe beef because this party costs a million dollars!!' My first year I wore a giant red floor-length 'gown' and of course had to pantomime kissing the taxidermied safari animals in the wing of the museum we dined in. Then was the first person on the dancefloor with my gay buddy Rob as we jammed out to 'Womanizer.' Yep, just us two on the huge dancefloor. And I was newest person at the firm. Quality work. Last year I insisted one of the guys teach us all the Thriller dance, so that was nice. Who knows what awaits me tonight!! I pray I'm at a fun table. I pray I get the perfect buzz. I pray that I don't wander off to take any siestas in various parts of the museum.

Everyone have a fabulous Friday and Saturday and maybe even Sunday if I haven't recovered by then to say hi!!! Kisses!!!!! xoxox (you too, Zebra!!)